Love Lifted ME

"I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, Sinking to rise no more;"...

It was the first hymn chosen by Pastor Powell as the Worship Service began and I was feeling pretty good about Sunday School. It 'felt' right and, other than stumbling over a few Old English words ending in "-th", I think it went well. In fact not just a few folks complimented me on the lesson saying 'Thank you. That was good', and that 'the Lord speaks through you', and 'the Spirit is with you'.

I certainly hope so! I always pray that He would speak through ME and would be with ME in it. I wouldn't dare teach if it were not the case. But you know in MY lesson I dealt with God resisting the proud and giving grace to the humble, and how that Paul said, "when I would do good, evil is present with me", and as I received praise for 'a job well done' I became very self aware. Not so much becoming proud but feeling very self-conscious.

I was feeling good about Sunday School but I just wasn't feeling lifted in love. I was concerned about how I may be perceived by others in that moment. Whether if what I said in Sunday School and the perception others had of ME were consistent. I certainly desire to be true and not a hypocrite. As we sang, and I obsessed about this, I remember thinking that my obsessing didn't start just then. As I thought about the moments that passed between my closing in prayer and our first opening to hymn one-seventy-three, I became very convicted and keenly aware that I had been obsessing about 'self' from the very moment I received the first compliment. Perhaps even before that, as I thought about how smoothly God seemed to enable me to breeze through my outline.

"when I would do good, evil is present with me" and when we do good and put ourselves 'out there' the tendency to be ever so self-focused always exists.

I remember shaking hands before the service started and wondering if my hand shake was firm enough, and if I was making appropriate eye-contact as I shook.

I remembered sharing what I hoped to be kind words and then wondering if what I said was encouraging, and edifying, and demonstrated enough that I really cared.


I remembered feeling foolishly like every eye in the auditorium was on me as we mingled. The truth was that my eyes were really only on myself, and all I really was concerned about then was how I came across to others. It didn't matter how much I tried to work on being others-minded. I was still trying, in the power of the flesh, to be spiritual. I was trying to 'act' spiritual. Acting is the basic root of hypocrisy. It didn't matter how much I tried to work on being others-minded. I wasn't really.


I remembered as we sang the first stanza wondering if my enthusiasm in song was a blessing to those in front of us. And as the pastor looked in our direction if the appearance of joy on my face was a blessing to him. Oh, How I worked to 'make' it so. Of course, knowing Pastor Christner, he was probably just enjoying the song and enjoying looking around at the church as we sang.


As we sang the first stanza I remember looking around and seeing how happy everyone appeared, and I remember my thoughts: How miserable I felt. I was convicted of my self-absorbed focus just then. Humility is not thinking 'less of yourself', it is thinking of 'yourself less'. And although I was concerned about my contact with others it was still a concern for self. I repented in heart and had a meeting with the Lord in the troubled chambers of my mind as the church sang on.

"But the Master of the sea Heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, Now safe am I."...

I repented in heart, meeting with the Lord,
and you know what happened?

Love Lifted ME.  He really did!

Jesus reached down,... the Master of the sea
heard my conflicted thoughts and from self He 
lifted me and made me to see again how 
much WE ALL are very much
the apple of His eye.

When the time came to pause between stanzas to shake hands, how different it was this time. It was a joy to see the smiles on each persons face. It was a blessing to greet and hear their greetings. It was so very uplifting to truly care about others rather than myself. Jesus was once again doing a work within me. And as we returned to sing the remaining parts of the hymn,...

Love Lifted ME!
Jesus, the personification of love, lifted me.
He really did!!

You know,... Each one of us has this same battle with self. I like to think that I am more self-less than self-focused but only God really knows. When we are deeply self-involved then He will certainly make it clear to us in His time. But each one of us has this same battle with self. Some of us are at times aware of it. And at times we are oblivious to it. But our degree of joy, either the abundance of it or lack of it, can be a sure indicator as to where we are in the struggle against the flesh.

This is my story. It's not easy for me to be this transparent about my personal thoughts. Specially since some of our church folks could possibly eventually read this. And since many of our local friends are likely to read this. But if my battle with self, and the things the Lord teaches me in it, can be a help and blessing to others than I will continue to share, and to bare my soul. I want no hint of hypocrisy. I want transparency and sincerity. I want to sail ever so close to the Master of the sea.


I want others to be my focus just like they are His focus. I want Him to increase in my heart, thoughts, and life as I decrease in the estimation my own importance except, and in only that, I am important to Him.

He must increase, and WE must decrease!

"All my heart to Him I give, Ever to Him I'll cling,
In His blessed Presence live, Ever His praises sing."

"Love so mighty and so true Merits my soul's best song;
Faithful, loving service, too, To Him belongs."


He must increase,
and WE must decrease!

Love Lifted Me!
And Love will lift you too!

Grace Has Made All The Difference

I was asked by a good friend recently, who visited our church for his niece’s homeschool graduation, what has made the difference for me recently compared to where we had been. Perhaps he has noticed growth in me that wasn’t there when he knew me before. I am not sure what prompted the question: I didn’t ask. But an answer came to mind almost immediately and I am not sure where it came from except to say that, ‘It must be the Lord.’

I said 'GRACE.' Grace has made
all the difference in the world.

I told him it is like a garden with perfect soil. All of the nutrients it could want. Ample sunlight and lots of intricate and careful work by the gardener. Perhaps in the minds of some gardeners, works so meticulous and perfect that no gardener in town could match it. But, with not much moisture, not much water, it will not grow well. Grace bestowed upon a life is like cascades of refreshing cool water on a parched soul.

We have the nutrients from the Word of God. We have every benefit of the home and church. We have a country where, as of yet, we are free to worship as we please. And many men of God are so very committed to ‘doing things right for Jesus’ that one would think we have all that we need. But if the garden is not receiving ample and abundant watering there will be no growth or very little growth at best.

I say GRACE, grace has made
all the difference in the world.

But as I think back, and think upon it now, there is more. It wasn’t until I was moved by God to be determined to stand for right in the cause of the oppressed that I died to self and the oppressive ways that ‘self’ engenders. Laying aside tenure, and title, and being tethered to the tender accolades of men. And just like our Savior, as a corn of wheat fallen into the ground to die, only to bring forth abundant fruit. I also died to self then and there, and God started something within me that I scarcely even understand now. Our God is infinitely altruistic and when we behave in like manner He begins to conform us more into His beautiful image.
 

 
I take no credit for any growth in me. The Lord is patient, and kind, and gracious, and ever so willing to work a work in us. But also He resists the proud and gives grace only to the humble. I am sorry to say that until He wrought a breaking in my life I was a very proud believer. I was satisfied with my degree of learning, content with my attainment of knowledge, and settled in the depth of my service. I was pompously puffed up and ignorant of a more excellent way. And being ignorant I became cleverly manipulative under the banner of truth. But that has all changed now.

I say GRACE, grace has made
all the difference in the world.

I thank the Lord for the gracious men I have met who are to me as mentors. Men that God has placed into my life that demonstrate daily this sort of outpouring I am writing of. Were it not for men of grace to pave the way I tremble to think where I, and my family, would be. Iron sharpeneth iron. I am thankful for the well-grounded teaching I received for well over half of my life. I am thankful that the seed of the Gospel in me fell into a well broken-up soil. I am thankful for the Sonlight of God’s Presence that has been with me all the days of my life. I am thankful for those in my life, past and present, who have been committed to doing things right for Jesus. And I am indescribably thankful for the wonderful grace of Jesus bestowed upon me through His Spirit in others. It is my hope that it will be bestowed upon others, through Him in me, more and more until He takes us home.

So what has made the difference for me recently, compared to where I had been? Jesus has made all the difference. He Who John said was, and still is, full of grace and truth. The wonderful grace of Jesus has made all the difference. Grace bestowed. And grace displayed. It is grace that has been given to me, and is reaching through me, and is growing in me. Growing deep in the innermost part of me where only God can reach. I am almost overwhelmed to tears every time I think of the wonderful work that God is doing, the work that only Jesus, the Son of God, can do. I do hope you will join me in this journey of grace as He lives and abounds through us. If you have been saved by His grace through faith alone then you have received this grace freely and without merit. 

Freely ye have received, freely give...

Grace, Grace, God's Grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within!

'Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved... I say GRACE!

He must increase, WE must decrease.